How to Catholic: Forgiving Ourselves

November 21, 2020

by John Boyle

Question

"Besides Confession, how do you forgive yourself and move on personally from previous sins?"

Answer

Let's establish one thing real quick... this is hard. It's not easy to forgive yourself, especially for a sin that you have been struggling with for many years. And this is not a "take this pill and you'll be healed" kind of a thing. There is no "one size fits all". But here is what I got from prayer and reflection: To forgive ourselves, we need to remember that we are not perfect.

By our very nature, we are a fallen people. Because of the Fall (Genesis 3), our intellect is darkened, our will is weakened, and our passions are disordered. Sin has become attractive. That means from the beginning, we are not perfect.

We are not perfect, and we will fall many times. It will happen.

Yet no matter how many times we fall, no matter how big your sin may seem to be, that sin is a simple drop of water compared to the ocean of God’s mercy. God’s mercy shows us that no matter what, if we continue to go back to Him and keep running to Him and asking Him for forgiveness, He will always forgive us and He will NEVER stop loving us. There is nothing that we cannot do that will make God stop loving us. It is impossible.

When the Lord forgives us, we grow stronger. When we do not forgive ourselves, we are not able to receive that grace. We are dwelling in our weakness if we are not forgiving ourselves.

It is time to let it go. Let go of that weakness, so that you may become strong!

What are you saying when you don't forgive yourself? What are the lies you are telling yourself? What is the truth you are struggling to accept? Identifying these things is the first step to forgive yourself.

The second step is rejecting those lies and accepting those truths every single day. Write it on your bathroom mirror. Set a reminder on your phone. Bring it to prayer in the chapel on your way home from work.

The third step is to breathe and look at yourself. Not the way that you see you, but in the way our Father in heaven sees you. The same one that knows all of your faults is the one that loves you endlessly.

The Sacrament of Confession is so, so powerful. But if we do not forgive ourselves, we cannot grow. When we can let go of this grudge against ourselves, it is like a plug released from a drain where the waters of God's mercy are then able to flow into our hearts. When we receive this grace and mercy, we are free.

John Boyle is a Youth Minister and Religion Teacher at St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church in Brooklyn Park, MN. He found his calling to Youth Ministry while studying at the University of Minnesota and made his way to graduate from the University of St. Thomas. Not only does he love answering questions about faith, but also enjoys talking about sports (especially soccer), cooking, and worship music. You can also hear him talk about these and much more on the podcast Dudes That Babel. Currently, he calls the parish Our Lady of Grace his home.